


I'm Sorry I'm a Bit of a Let-Down

by darkjaden825698



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 12:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkjaden825698/pseuds/darkjaden825698
Summary: His words hung in the air like a noose. Forgiveness. Here was a man, troubled and violent, who had presumable spent the last decade of his life in a pit of guilt, striving to climb out, clawing at the dirt and begging for an escape. Finally, he found the strength to pull himself out, to ask for forgiveness. To be free.But the thing about crawling out of a pit by yourself, is that you’re always just one push, one stumble away from falling back in.or: Ryuji's dad shows back up, triggering a panic attack in him, and Akira is super considerate and helpful towards him. Also gay.(song title is from blink-182's "Bored to Death")oh yeah guess i should say this is a oneshot but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i'm akiryu trash already so there may be a sequel





	I'm Sorry I'm a Bit of a Let-Down

**Author's Note:**

> So, this ended up a lot longer than I anticipated? I mean it ended up about as long as I wanted it to be, but I was not expecting to write almost 9000 words for what started out as just a fluff fic. Anyway I love my soft boi Ryuji so let's _break him down_.
> 
> Trigger warnings for:
> 
> -mentions of past abuse  
> -abusive figures returning  
> -panic attacks
> 
> yeah so hope you enjoy

“Hey! It’s me. How’s life back in your home town treatin’ ya? I know you’ve only been gone for less than a month but damn, dude, I miss you like hell. Hey, y’know, Golden Week is coming up soon, and we’ll have some time off from school. Whattaya say? Wanna come stay with me for a week, see the guys? They miss you too. Call me back! See ya! Oh, it’s Ryuji by the way!” _Click._

Akira smiled and lowered his phone from his ear. It’s not like he and Ryuji had lost touch in the past month or anything. In fact, they practically talked every day on chat. Still, it was nice to hear his voice again. He hadn’t told the others about it yet, but Akira actually planned on coming back to Tokyo for Golden Week. He’d already set it up with Sojiro to use the Leblanc attic again for the week. Boss said he hadn’t touched anything in his room, and that Akira was more than welcome to come and stay there whenever he wanted, so long as he let Sojiro know. Akira was grateful to have made such a trusted ally in his time under his guardianship.

Hovering over Ryuji’s contact, he pondered whether or not he wanted to tell Ryuji the news or keep it a surprise. He didn’t think he could keep it a secret for even the one week until Golden week, so he pressed the call button.

“Hey dude,” Ryuji’s excited voice filled his ear as he picked up. “Did you get my message?”

“Yeah,” Akira said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to spend the week at your place, dude.”

“Oh,” Ryuji said, his voice drooping with disappointment. “Well, we’ll figure something out sometime. You’re seriously the best friend I’ve ever had, dude, I ain’t lettin’ you go for nothin’. There’s no way I’ll ever let anything as dumb as distance get between us.”

Akira laughed. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“Oh?”

“I can’t stay with you during Golden Week, because Boss already agreed to let me stay at Leblanc.”

“For real?!”

“Yeah, but don’t tell the others. I kinda wanna surprise them.”

“Dude! You know I’m not gonna be able to hide my excitement for that long!”

Akira chuckled. It was cute how excited Ryuji was getting. “Well, at least try, okay?”

“Anything for you, leader!”

“The Phantom Thieves are disbanded, dude. I’m not your leader anymore.”

“Bro, you’ll always be our leader. Nothing’s ever gonna change that.”

Hearing that warmed Akira’s heart. His time with the Phantom Thieves, despite all the danger and hardships they’d endured, was really special to him. He’d entered Tokyo an outcast, ostracized for his criminal record, treated like a crook by all of his fellow students. But with the Phantom Thieves, he was a hero; he was changing people’s hearts, making the world a better place. At least, that’s how it was at first. But more importantly, he’d created strong bonds with his teammates, a bond that could never be ruptured. It would be nice to see them again.

“Who you on the phone with, Joker?” came a boyish voice from behind him. Morgana jumped up on his shoulder.

“Oh, hey Mona,” said Ryuji over the phone.

“Is that Ryuji? Can’t you tell him to leave you alone? He does nothing but text you all day, it gets really annoying.”

“Sh-shut up you stupid cat!” Ryuji growled. “Anyway, I should prolly get going. I’ll see you next week, buddy.”

“See ya.”

\---

It was only a few minutes later when his phone buzzed again. It was the Phantom Thieves group chat. 

 

 **Ann:** Akira, you’re coming back to Tokyo for Golden Week?!

 **Makoto:** What, really?!

 **Yusuke:** It seems we’ll get to see our leader again. It’ll be nice to see you, my friend.

 **Ryuji:** I’m sorry, bro! I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore!

 **Akira:** It’s only been five minutes, Ryuji…

 **Akira:** Mona says, “You’re so useless, Skull.”

 **Ryuji:** Damn you, you effin’ cat!

 **Ann:** Sorry! I didn’t realize it was supposed to be a secret!

 **Haru:**  Should we all get together at Leblanc again?

 **Futaba** **:** Yes!! I’ve missed you so much, Akira!

 **Akira** : I’ve missed you guys, too. And yeah, Leblanc sounds fine.

 **Makoto:** Are you going to be staying in that attic again?

 **Akira:** Yeah.

 **Futaba:** !!!

 **Futaba:** You’ll be so close to me again!!

 **Futaba:** We’ll be neighbors once more!

 **Akira** : I’m only gonna be there for the week…

 **Ryuji:** I’m so excited!!! Can it be next week already?!

 **Makoto:** I wish you’d get so excited about your studies.

 **Ryuji:** Man, but school is so boring…

 

Akira smiled. So his surprise was ruined, but it was nice that his friends were so excited to see him. He was excited too, and though he wouldn’t admit it, he was sure that Morgana was excited, too. Just one more week to get through.

The week flew by as Akira had hoped. Soon enough, he was boarding the train to take him to Yongen-Jaya. Sojiro and Futaba greeted him at the gate and walked back with him to Leblanc. As he climbed the stairs to his old attic room, he noticed that everything was exactly where he left it. Sojiro really hadn’t touched anything since he left.

“Wow,” Morgana said, popping out from his bag. “It looks the same as when we left last month.”

“Did you have to bring the cat with you,” Sojiro groaned from downstairs. “I can hear it meowing from all the way down here.”

“Hmph, Boss is same as ever.”

With a smile, Akira set his bag down next to the bed and sad down. It’d been a month since he last laid on this mattress, but it still felt like home. Kicking his shoes off, he laid down and spread himself out on the mattress, remembering all the nights he spent in this attic over the last year. It was already late. Tomorrow was Memorial Day, and the start of the three-day holiday.

“Oh, are you going to sleep already?” Morgana said.

“Mhm,” Akira managed to get out. He thought he would too excited to sleep tonight, but as soon as he responded to Morgana, he was out like a light.

\---

“Well, it’s getting late,” said Ann. “I should probably head out.”

The sky outside was pitch black. Inside Leblanc, soda cans and plates with nothing but the remnants of delicious curry sauce were littered across the booths of the diner. As Ann announced her departure, the rest of the group seemed to all agree it was time to part ways for the night. One by one, each of Akira’s friends picked up their plates and put them in the sink in the back, grabbed their things, and headed out the door, all except one.

“Hey,” Ryuji said, after everyone had left. The café that had been lively and bustling with laughter and friendship only a moment ago now felt quiet and solemn. Ryuji stared at the floor to his side and sat at the booth with his left arm stretched out over the back of the seat. “Do you think it’d be cool if I stayed here tonight?”

Taken a bit aback by the unexpected proposal, Akira didn’t know what to say at first. It wasn’t odd for someone to want to stay over at his friend’s house, of course. It was the sudden nature of the suggestion, and Ryuji’s somber attitude that bewildered Akira. “Uh, sure,” he said. “I’d probably have to ask Boss, though. Is everything okay?”

Ryuji was silent for a moment. He scowled at the ground and took a deep breath. Akira noticed his right fist was clenched. “My dad showed up yesterday.”

 _This_ took Akira by surprise. Ryuji had once told him that his father was an abusive alcoholic who used to beat him and his mother, so one day she took Ryuji and skipped town. If he was back, it was no wonder he didn’t want to go home.

“I’ll work things out with Sojiro later,” Akira said. “Of course you can stay here.”

“Thanks man,” Ryuji said.

It was strange for Akira, getting to see this side of Ryuji. The blonde was usually hot-tempered and loud-mouthed, and never short on things to say. Now, however, Ryuji was quiet and sincere. It was honestly the longest Akira had ever seen him go without talking. And even then, it was barely above a whisper.

Akira couldn’t imagine what seeing his dad must have made him feel, all the painful memories flooding back to him, feeling the sting of the abuse again after all these years. He stretched out his arms and placed a comforting hand upon Ryuji’s. Ryuji tore his eyes away from the floor and looked up at his friend, locking eyes with him before darting them away and pulling his hand out from underneath Akira’s. “Do you have any sweatpants or somethin’ I can sleep in? I kinda just rushed out of there without grabbin’ anything.”

“Of course.”

The two boys changed and went upstairs to the attic. Ryuji plopped himself down on the futon, while Akira got himself situated in his bed. Morgana, who had been surprisingly quiet since everybody else left, hopped up onto the bed with Akira and curled up next to him.

“Hey, Akira?” Ryuji said. 

“Yeah?”

“What’s your dad like?”

“Huh?”

Ryuji’s question was unexpected. The kid was full of surprises today.

“You’ve never really told me anything about your family. And I mean, you know all about mine, but I know nothing about yours. Your parents just kinda shipped you out here after you got arrested last year. I know it’s cuz of your probation but, I mean you gotta resent them a little bit for just sending you away like that, don’t you?”

It was true, Akira did resent his parents, if only a little. They hadn’t been very happy when they found out about his arrest. Even his mom had said something like, “You’re just lucky that I know someone in the area, or you’d have been on your own, kid.” They hadn’t even called him at all in his entire time in Tokyo. Still, it was hard to be too angry at them. It wasn’t like they had much of a choice in the matter; Shujin was the only school that would take him with his criminal record.

“They’re not so bad,” Akira said. “They weren’t really given another option.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

“Will you guys stop talking and go to bed? Some of us are _trying_ to sleep here,” Morgana snapped.

“Sorry,” Ryuji whispered, before rolling over to face the inside of the couch. After a few minutes of silence, Akira could hear a soft snore coming from the futon. It made him smile.

\---

Akira was awoken by the sunlight streaming through the window, shining on his face. He rolled over and looked at his phone. Only 9:23. He rolled back over and covered his head with his pillow to block the sunlight. He was only rustled from sleep again by the snoring coming from his futon. Oh, that’s right. Ryuji had stayed over. He was now spread out on the futon, one arm spread above his head, the other on his chest. One of his legs had fallen off the couch and resting on the floor. His snoring had gotten a bit louder since last night, but apparently Akira was a heavy sleeper, since he hadn’t even noticed.

He looked really peaceful when he slept, really relaxed. It was kind of cute, the way his chest moved up and down rhythmically, the way his nose twitched every now and then and he unconsciously reached up and scratched his nose before returning his hand to its original position on his chest.

A noise from downstairs caught Akira’s attention. Sojiro must have just gotten here to open up shop. Akira figured he should probably go down and let him know that Ryuji stayed over. Better to hear it from him than to have Ryuji stroll down the stairs making a commotion. The last thing Akira wanted was to be lectured on his vacation.

Being careful not to disturb Morgana, who was also peacefully sleeping at the edge of his bed, Akira quietly tossed his covers off of him and slipped out bed, trying to make it downstairs best he could without waking Ryuji. He tiptoed softly across the room, trying his best to avoid the floorboards that he remembered creaked, and made his way downstairs.

“Morning, Boss,” he said, greeting the dark haired man behind the counter who was just tying his apron.

“Ah, good morning. I forgot you were here,” Sojiro said, and sighed. “I’d just gotten used to you not being here and now you come back and throw off my whole flow.”

“Sorry about that, how was your Memorial Day?”

Akira chatted with his old guardian until he found an appropriate time to bring up that Ryuji had stayed the night. “Oh, by the way,” he started. “My friend Ryuji stayed the night last night. I hope that was okay. His abusive father showed back up and he didn’t want to stay at his place.”

“Yeesh, that’s heavy,” Sojiro responded. “I have no respect for anybody who abuses their own kid. Tell him he can stay as long as he wants.”

“Thank you.”

Hearing some creaking and rustling coming from upstairs, Akira grabbed an extra apron and pulled it over his head. “Mind if I make some curry for me and Ryuji for breakfast?”

“Sure, kid. Knock yourself out. If you’re gonna be working for me today, then I’m gonna go out and buy a pack of cigarettes.”

Akira let out a nervous laugh. He’d unintentionally roped himself into working at the café.

“Don’t burn the place down while I’m gone, okay?”

“You got it, Boss!”

Luckily, no customers came in while Akira prepared the curry for himself and his friend. Just as he was finishing up, he heard the stairs creaking, and Ryuji popped out from around the corner. He greeted Akira with a yawn. “Mornin’,” he said.

“Morning.”

“Smells good,” Ryuji remarked, closing his eyes and letting the delectable scent of curry waft his way. “You working the shop today?”

“Just while boss is away. At least, I hope. This is for us. It’s almost ready.”

“Dude, you made curry for me? You’re the best, man.”

Setting the plate of curry down in front of his friend, Akira smiled. “It was nothing.”

“Are you kidding, dude?” Ryuji took his spoon and scooped up a bit of the curry. “You’ve seriously been amazing lately, letting me crash at your place and now you’re making me breakfast? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to sweep me off my feet.”

Ryuji shoved the bite of curry into his mouth and Akira’s face flushed beet red. “Well,” he said. “Did it work?”

Ryuji let out a hearty laugh that eased his friend’s anxiety and flashed him a smile that made his heart skip a beat. “Man, with curry this delicious, it just might.”

They both shared a laugh and finished their curry without a hint of tension in the air. When they were finished, Akira went about making coffee for himself. He knew that Ryuji hated coffee, and offered to pour him a glass of orange juice, to which Ryuji happily obliged. After starting the coffee, he opened the fridge and pulled out the carton of juice to pour for him.

By the time they had both finished their beverages, Sojiro returned from his cigarette run. As he walked through the door, Ryuji cheerfully remarked, “Mornin’, Boss!”

Sojiro nodded to the blonde and returned the greeting. He put his apron back on, and took his place behind the counter again. “Any customers?”

“Nope,” Akira said, collecting the plates and cups from his and Ryuji’s meals and washing them in the dish sink in the back of the restaurant.

“Damn. Was hoping I’d have at least one. Where the hell is everybody?”

“Probably on vacation,” Ryuji said. “It is Golden Week, after all.”

“Yeah,” Akira added. “And why come to the same café they always come to when they can go out to dinner in the city?”

Sojiro sighed. “True. Maybe I should just close up shop today. I’d be wasting more money keeping this place open today than I’d make even if we did get busy.”

“You deserve a day off, Boss,” Ryuji said.

“Yeah, maybe I do,” Sojiro remarked. He started undoing his apron and walking towards the back of the restaurant. “What about you guys? Any big plans today?”

“Nah,” said Ryuji. “Makoto and her sis apparently made plans for today, like, months ago, so we decided to just meet up again tomorrow to see this guy off.”

Sojiro let out a chuckle. “How about that, you travel all this way to come see them and they all abandon you. Such is life, kid.” Pulling off his apron and setting it on the hook in the kitchen, Sojiro picked up his hat and placed it on his head. “Well, don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone. And lock the place up if you guys decide to go anywhere.”

“You got it, Boss!” Ryuji said, giving Sojiro a salute as he walked out the door.

“See ya,” Akira said as the door shut behind him.

Ryuji stretched his arms out and let out a sleepy moan. “So, what do you wanna do today, leader?”

Akira smiled and rolled his eyes; Ryuji really was never going to let that “leader” thing go, was he? “I dunno,” he said. “It’s such a nice day out. We should something outdoors.”

“Wanna go for a walk? We can just wander around Shibuya and find something to do.”

“Yeah, that sounds like it’ll be fun.” 

“Ooh, can I come?” Morgana jumped up onto the chair next to Ryuji, causing the startled blonde to jump out his seat.

“Damn cat! Where did you even come from?”

“From upstairs, genius. You guys just kinda left me there.”

“But you were just so cute, curled up and asleep like that, I didn’t wanna wake you.” Ryuji gently scratched at Morgana’s head, who closed his eyes and began purring lightly. Akira laughed to himself. That was the exact same reason he had tried not to wake Ryuji when he came downstairs that morning.

After finishing the dishes and making sure everything downstairs was turned off, Akira and Ryuji took turns showering and getting dressed. Ryuji had put back on the same clothes he had on yesterday, even though Akira offered him a shirt to wear.

“Nah it’s cool,” Ryuji responded. “I like my shirts a bit baggier anyway.”

With everybody all dressed and Morgana situated in his bag, the group headed out the door, Akira making sure to lock the doors behind him. As he looked up from the doorknob, he noticed that Sojiro had forgotten to change the sign from open to closed. Even with all that time they were still “open,” they hadn’t gotten any customers. Poor Sojiro.

Ryuji and Akira walked towards the station, not in any hurry to catch the next train, deciding rather to just enjoy the day. On their way there, they talked about everything and nothing; how school was going, what the rest of the gang had been up to after Akira left, what Akira had been up to after he left. It was all stuff they had spoken about in chat over the course of the last month, but it was still nice for Akira to be able to actual speak about it in person, especially somebody as close to him as Ryuji.

Suddenly, Ryuji’s eyes caught glimpse of something to their right. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

“What’s wrong?”

“Come with me.” Ryuji grabbed Akira’s hand and pulled him into a brisk jog. They darted around the corner and continued running.

“Ryuji, what’s going on?” Akira asked.

“Ryuji!” a voice from behind them called, a firm, yet high-pitched voice that sounded with intensity. Akira craned his neck behind him and saw a man chasing after them. He was tall and lanky, with pitch black hair slicked back and a rounded jawline, covered with a dark goatee and mustache. A pair of thick-rimmed glasses sat upon his nose. He didn’t look the athletic type, but he was catching up to them pretty quickly. “Damn it, Ryuji, get back here!”

Ryuji quickened his pace, and Akira would have been left behind it not for the fact that Ryuji was still holding his hand, although _clenching_ would be a more accurate word for it. Morgana popped his head out of Akira’s bag. “Whoa, it’s getting pretty shaky in here!”

“Sorry,” Akira said. “Ryuji, where are we going?”

“Away from here.”

“Who is that guy?” Morgana asked.

“My father.”

Stunned silent, neither Akira nor Morgana said another word. Morgana hid back in the bag as Akira and Ryuji sprinted forward, turning corners and going deeper and deeper into the neighborhood. Soon they were lost in the streets of Yongen-Jaya. Akira peered behind him again, but Ryuji’s father was nowhere in sight. Akira wrestled his hand away from Ryuji’s grip and slowed to a stop, bending over and gasping for breath. Ryuji may have been a former track star, but Akira sure wasn’t. It had been quite a while since he last ran like that.

Ryuji got quite a bit ahead of him before realizing he was no longer holding onto Akira’s hand, and turned around and jogged back to him, still ever-cautious of his surroundings. When he reached Akira, the adrenaline must have worn off, because all that exercise caught up to him. Ryuji collapsed to his knees and fought to catch his breath.

“Damn it,” Ryuji said between gasps. “What’d he do, follow me all the way here last night?”

“Why is your dad following you?” Akira wheezed. “Why was he chasing after us?”

Ryuji pulled himself against a nearby fence and sat down. “I dunno, probably wants to beat me again.”

Akira sat down next to him, still trying to catch his breath. Ryuji pulled his knees up and hugged them close to his chest, crossing his arms and resting his head on top of them. He buried his face in his knees, and somehow Akira knew it was because Ryuji didn’t want to be seen crying.

In the year that they’d known each other, Akira had never seen Ryuji cry. He’d probably come close a couple of times, considering what they’d gone through, but he’d never actually seen Ryuji cry. This was a new experience for him.

He heard muffled sniffs and sobs from Ryuji, as if confirming his suspicions. Akira hesitated, but then placed a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder in comfort. Ryuji just sobbed harder and clutched his knees even tighter. Akira slid his hand down Ryuji’s shoulder and rubbed small circles on his upper back, eventually pulling his friend into a warm embrace, wrapping his arms around the sobbing boy.

With a sniff, Ryuji raised his head and wiped his eyes. Akira broke the hug and sat silently next to him, waiting for Ryuji to speak when he wanted to. Morgana must have sensed the tension in the air, because he stayed quiet in his bag, only peeking his head out when Ryuji stopped sobbing so intently. Even though he was just a normal cat now (well, as normal as a talking cat can get, at least), Akira could still recognize a look of worry and concern on his tiny cat face.

“He just showed up at the house last night. Right before I came over to Leblanc.” Ryuji’s voice was coarse and shallow from crying. “He said…he said he wanted to make amends with me and my mom. Said he was…was a changed man.” Ryuji let go of his knees and stretched out his legs, leaning back into the fence. Akira placed his hand over Ryuji’s. Despite the generally warm temperature of early May, his hands felt cold and clammy.

“My mom wasn’t having any of it, at first,” Ryuji continued. “Told him to get out. As soon as I saw him I just…I just kinda…shut down. I locked myself in my room and stared at the clock until it was time to go to your place. When I left, they were still arguing. He kept going on and on about how he ‘hadn’t had a drink in months’, and how he ‘realized the importance of family’ and all that bullshit. He told my mom that he had nowhere else to go, and…my mom said he could crash on the couch as long as he left today. I just…” He buried his face in Akira’s shoulder and sobbed again. “I just…I don’t wanna see him again. I don’t wanna _have_ to see him again. I don’t want him living in my house.”

Akira pulled his crying friend into a hug, holding his body tightly against his own. He wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck, running his fingers through his bleached blonde hair. Ryuji’s breathing began to slow and his sobbing ceased. He pulled away from the hug and leaned back against the fence.

“Everyone used to say, ‘you look just like him!’ when I was little. ‘You’re gonna look just like your daddy when you grow up.’ But they didn’t know, they never knew what was going on, and why them sayin’ that shit always made me mad. I didn’t wanna look like him, I didn’t wanna _be_ like him. That’s why I bleached my hair, started wearing contacts, and got involved with sports. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible, right down to how I dressed and what I did.” Ryuji balled his hand into a fist and punched the ground. “He has no right to invade our lives like that. After we finally left him behind. After we finally moved on. After we were finally happy.”

Akira didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t really anything he _could_ say. So he just let Ryuji talk, let him get everything off his chest. “God damn it, dude, I…” Ryuji trailed off for a moment, before collecting his thoughts and shouting, “Damn it, I wish we could still change his heart.”

Akira knew how he felt. They each had their own reasons for being so drawn to the Phantom Thieves. His was the injustice he’d faced from Masayoshi Shido. Ryuji’s must have been because of his father. The one heart he could change if given the chance. If it were still possible, Akira would have jumped at the chance to help his friend, to change his father’s heart. But the Metaverse was gone now. There was no way to force a change of heart on him.

Akira had no words to comfort him, nothing he could do to take the pain away. All he could do was wrap his arms around him once more, letting him know without words that he was there for him. Ryuji melted into Akira’s arms, wrapping his own around Akira’s neck and holding him close. Akira’s heart raced at his touch, at the closeness of them, the body heat bouncing between them.

“There you are, Ryuji!”

The harsh voice jolted Akira and Ryuji from their embrace, and they stared in horror as Ryuji’s father made his way down the alleyway to him. There was no chance to run, if they’d even had the strength left to do so. Ryuji cursed under his breath, and pushed himself to his feet. Akira followed suit, standing by Ryuji’s side as his father approached them.

“What are you doing here, old man?”

“I should ask you the same question. You were the one who ran from me.”

“Can you blame me?”

Ryuji’s dad stood silent, glaring daggers at him and Ryuji for a moment, before softening his expression and letting out a deep sigh, releasing the tension in his body. “I suppose not.”

“W-wait, what?”

Ryuji’s dad slumped his shoulders and adjusted his glasses. “I’ve been a horrible father to you, son. I know this. That’s why I’ve changed. I lost everything when I lost you and your mom. So all this time I’ve been working, striving to be better.”

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” Ryuji muttered.

“I’ve been going to AA meetings. I’m six months sober. I’ve been taking anger management classes. My therapist says I’m getting better, that I’ve improved. So please, son, can you forgive me?”

His words hung in the air like a noose. _Forgiveness._ Here was a man, troubled and violent, who had presumable spent the last decade of his life in a pit of guilt, striving to climb out, clawing at the dirt and begging for an escape. Finally, he found the strength to pull himself out, to ask for forgiveness. To be free.

Ryuji stared at his father with mouth agape, unable to respond to the question. Akira could see the gears trying to turn in his head, trying to comprehend his own emotions toward his father and put them into thoughts and sentences. He stuttered, as if he’d found what he wanted to say, but couldn’t find the words to say it. Finally, he burst out, “Fuck no!”

“Ryuji…” his dad mumbled.

“You think, that after all these years, you get to just walk back into my life like you never left?” Ryuji was shouting now. His father began stepping back but Ryuji inched forward on him. “You think, that just because you’re ‘getting better’ that means we’re just _required_ to forgive you? It doesn’t work that way, pops. You hit me. You scarred me. You tore me apart. Everything I am is because of you! I’m the way I am right now _because of you._ Even after you were gone from my life you were still controlling it from the sidelines, always in the back of my head, pushing me in one direction or the other. You’re not worth forgiving. You’re not worth my breath. You’re not worth _anything._ ”

Ryuji was now a good couple paces in front of Akira, hands balled into fists and shaking with rage. Ryuji’s dad, who had seemed so tall when he was facing them, had shrunk into his own cowardice. He shivered though it was not cold, arms raised in defense.

Akira called his name. Ryuji spun around at the mention of his name, pulled from the bubble of anger and hatred he’d encased himself in. He stood with a shocked look on his face, his back now to his father.

“Damn brat,” his father muttered, straightening his back out once more, his shadow now tall and looming over Ryuji. Then he raised his voice. “You think you have any right to talk to me that? I am your _father!_ I brought you into this world, and I sure as hell can take you out of it!” He raised his fist in the air and rolled his shoulder back in preparation to strike.

The world seemed to slow to a crawl. Akira shouted out to Ryuji, but by the time his name escaped his lips, Ryuji had already moved. He dodged to the side, and his father punched the air and stumbled, struggling to regain his balance.

The thing about crawling out of a pit by yourself, is that you’re always just one push, one stumble away from falling back in.

Ryuji’s dad fell face-first on the concrete with a _thud._ He grunted as he hit the ground, the wind knocked out of him. “Dammit, Ryuji,” he gasped.

“C’mon,” Ryuji said to Akira. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

On the way back to Leblanc, Ryuji started breathing quickly. Akira constantly looked behind and around them to make sure they weren’t being followed by Ryuji’s dad. They slowed pace, but Ryuji’s breathing only got faster and sharper. Pretty soon he was gasping and choking on the air.

“I think he’s having a panic attack,” Morgana said, popping out from Akira’s bag.

“We need to get him back to Leblanc,” Akira responded. Placing a hand on Ryuji’s back and guiding him down the alleys to the café.

Back at Leblanc, Akira sat Ryuji down and gave him a blanket to wrap himself in. His breathing had slowed a bit but he was still hyperventilating. Akira poured him a glass of water and sat with him. He went to put his arm around Ryuji’s shoulder, but hesitated. “Is it okay to touch you?” he asked.

Ryuji nodded, and Akira pulled Ryuji close to him. He was shaking, even with the blankets, and struggled to get the glass of water to his mouth without spilling it all over his lap. Akira stroked Ryuji’s shoulder with his thumb, urging Ryuji to try taking deep breaths. They were long, shaky breaths, but soon Ryuji’s breathing slowed to normal, and he started shaking less and less.

Ryuji closed his eyes and rested his head on Akira’s shoulder. He inhaled deeply and finally his breathing steadied. “Hey, you want me to make us some hot chocolate?” Akira said. Ryuji just nodded without saying anything.

Akira slowly shifted in his seat, and Ryuji picked himself off of his shoulder so he could slide out of the booth and make his way to the kitchen. When the hot chocolate was done, he returned to the booth and set one of the mugs in front of Ryuji.

“Thanks,” he said weakly.

“Any time,” Akira responded.

They sat in silence for a while, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Morgana nuzzled up to Ryuji in an attempt to comfort him, and well, it must have worked because it got him smiling. He ran his hand down Morgana’s back, and the cat purred happily in response. Ryuji chuckled. “Who knew such an annoying cat could be so damn cute.”

Morgana didn’t even have a snappy comeback to make, he was just enjoying getting pet. Akira had to admit, this was probably the cutest thing he had ever seen and ever would see. Ryuji looked up at him and grinned. “What are you staring at?” He said it in an intimidating way, but his tone was clearly joking. Akira blushed, being caught staring at him.

“Just…watching you,” he said. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Ryuji said. “Thanks. For sticking it out with me.”

“Of course.”

Ryuji took another sip of his hot chocolate and glanced at the door to Leblanc.

“Don’t worry,” Akira said, noticing him staring at the door. “I locked it after we got you inside. He won’t show up here.”

Ryuji’s eyes dropped down to the hot, sweet beverage in front of him. He swirled the liquid in his cup before taking another sip, keeping his eyes shifted to the side.

“Does that happen to you a lot?” Akira asked.

“It used to happen a lot more when I was a kid, when he was still living with us.” Ryuji looked back down at Morgana, who was sitting upright and staring up at him with a concerned look. “It hasn’t happened in years, though. I guess…I guess seeing him again just kinda triggered something in me.”

Akira reached across the table and put his hands over Ryuji’s, which were holding onto the cup. Ryuji’s face went red. He lifted the cup, forcing Akira to let go of his hands as he took a sip. He looked to the side, like there was something he wanted to say, but couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Do you want to stay here again, tonight?” Akira asked. Ryuji just nodded, avoiding eye contact.

After finishing the hot chocolate, Akira suggested they play some video games to get their minds off of everything, to which Ryuji happily agreed. They spent the rest of the afternoon playing Star Forneus and Punch Ouch. Ryuji slowly opened back up until he was feeling like himself again, which was good. Akira loved seeing him smile.

Ryuji borrowed another pair of sweatpants but opted to take off his shirt finally. After all the running and panicking he had done, he figured it was too sweaty to keep on. He tried on one of Akira’s shirts, but eventually took it off and decided to sleep shirtless. “You’re so effin’ tiny, man,” he said. “Your shirts are all super tight on me.”

\---

Akira was awoken in the middle of the night by the sound of sharp, shallow breaths, followed by a loud scream. Morgana jumped straight up at the startling noise. Ryuji bolted upright in the futon and caught his breath.

“You okay?” Akira asked.

“Y-yeah,” Ryuji said. “J-just a nightmare, I guess.”

“You sounded like you were having another panic attack.”

“I probably was.”

They sat in the silence for a minute or two, neither of them really knowing what to say or what to do about the situation. Akira’s stomach tightened and his chest felt a bit like when he woke up after laying on his arm and it had fallen asleep.

“Do you, uh,” Ryuji started. “This is gonna sound kinda weird, but, uh…do you think I could…climb in bed with you tonight?”

Akira’s heart skipped a beat. _What?_ he thought. “What?” he said.

“S-sorry, I know that’s weird, forget I said that.”

“N-no, dude, I, uh, I don’t mind…”

“Do you guys want me to leave you lovebirds alone?” Morgana teased. Akira pushed him off the bed, startling the cat as he scrambled to find his footing.

“When I used to have panic attacks when I was a kid,” Ryuji said, sitting up on the futon and crossing his arms across his chest. “My mom got me this stuffed animal. Lame, I know, right?” He chuckled. “It was a purple teddy bear with a yellow bowtie. She told me that he would protect me from bad dreams and freak outs. She said whenever I felt scared or shaky, to just give the teddy bear a squeeze until I would feel better.”

“Ryuji…” Akira had never seen this side of Ryuji before. This vulnerable, fractured side of him.

“And it worked. In fact, I still have that teddy bear somewhere in my room. I just…haven’t needed him in years. Guess I should break him back out.” He let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, that must sound really lame, huh?”

“Not at all,” Akira assured him. “It’s totally cool to have a comfort object, dude, especially if it helps you out.”

“Thanks,” Ryuji said, sporting a sideways grin that was barely visible in the dark of night. Akira shifted over in bed, lifting the covers to give Ryuji a space to climb in. Ryuji lay down next to him and pulled the covers over him.

“Do you want me to be your teddy bear?” Akira said, half-joking. He could tell Ryuji blushed at that statement because his body got inexplicably warmer after he said.

“Shut up,” he whispered, before settling into the bed on his side. Akira snickered as he turned around himself, facing away from Ryuji.

Ryuji shifted around in the bed, rustling the sheets and trying different positions to get comfortable. After a few minutes, he ended up on his back and let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine.”

Akira, who was moments away from sleep himself, managed to get out a confused, “Hm?” He lifted his head and turned to look at Ryuji.

Avoiding eye contact, Ryuji folded his arms over his chest again. “I…want you to be my teddy bear.”

Akira smiled and pulled Ryuji close to him. The heat shared between the two of them made the blanket that covered them unnecessary, so he kicked it off. Akira wrapped his arms around him and felt the bare skin of his back. God, it was so smooth. And warm to the touch. Butterflies flew into Akira’s stomach. Ryuji turned around and laid on his left side. He clutched Akira’s hands and held them to his chest. Akira could feel his heart beating. It was…fast. Akira could tell he really was on the verge of another panic attack. Akira pulled him closer and squeezed Ryuji’s hands.

Akira fell asleep like that, hoping that he had calmed Ryuji down enough to fall asleep. He dreamt that he and Ryuji were outside Shujin holding hands. It was a bit of a weird dream, but he felt closer to Ryuji because of it.

When he woke up, Ryuji was no longer in his arms. In fact, Ryuji wasn’t even in the attack. Confused and groggy, Akira sleepily called out for him. Morgana’s ears peeked up from his curled up position at the foot of Akira’s bed. “I saw him get out of bed and go downstairs.”

Akira sat up and looked at his phone. It was just past 8:30 am. Sojiro likely wouldn’t be here until a bit later, if he decided to open up shop at all. He might want to spend Children’s Day with Futaba. The group didn’t have any plans to meet up until closer to dinner time. Akira crawled out of bed and made his way downstairs.

Akira hoped Ryuji hadn’t left while he was still sleeping. Was last night too awkward for him? He hoped he hadn’t made him feel uncomfortable or anything. He half expected to walk down those stairs and see a completely empty café, maybe a note from Ryuji saying that he left early or something.

Instead, he found Ryuji sitting at the counter, sipping from a glass of orange juice. “Mornin’,” he said when he noticed Akira walking into the diner.

“Morning,” Akira said back. “How long have you been up?”

“Since 6. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Sorry,” Akira said. “I hope that wasn’t my fault.”

“No, of course not,” Ryuji said, as if he were downright _offended_ that Akira would even think he was at fault for anything. “Just…a lot on my mind.”

Akira took the seat next to him. Ryuji was still wearing nothing but Akira’s sweatpants, and Akira couldn’t help but glance at his pecs in the better lighting of the morning sun. God, Ryuji looked magnificent shirtless. He’d seen him shirtless before, of course, but never…alone like this, where he was at liberty to drink in the sight of it.

Ryuji took another sip of his orange juice. “Hey,” he said. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yeah?” Akira’s stomach twisted into knots. “What’s up?”

Ryuji stared at his half-cup of juice for a moment, trying to think of the right words to say. “First off, thanks…for last night.”

“Of course.”

Tearing his attention away from the glass to the empty seats to his right, Ryuji said nothing at first. Akira could tell it was hard expressing himself like this.

“Last night, I…” he trailed off. Akira’s heart was beating a mile a minute. What was it? Just say it, damn it! “When you had your arms around me…”

“Yeah?” Akira said, trying to encourage Ryuji to spit it out without sounding too anxious or impatient.

“I felt…safe. Safer than I’ve felt in my entire life.” 

Akira sat silently, unable to form a thought around what Ryuji had just said. They were words that made sense in conjunction with each other, grammatically forming a sentence. But it took Akira a while to really comprehend what had just been said.

“I lied…last night,” Ryuji confessed.

“What do you mean?”

“About the panic attacks. It has been a while since I’ve had one, but it hasn’t been years. The longest it’s been has been a few months.”

There was a pause, but before Akira could think of anything to say, Ryuji continued. “I never knew I had such…heat inside.”

“What are you saying?” Akira said, though he thought he had an idea. He just wanted to hear Ryuji say it out loud.

“I like you…” he said softly. “Like…more than I thought I did yesterday.”

Akira bit back a smile. “I…I like you too.”

Ryuji smirked. “I could kinda tell.” Akira punched Ryuji in the shoulder as Ryuji let out a laugh, a pure, innocent laugh that dissipated the butterflies in Akira’s stomach. A laugh like that could cure disease, and lift the heaviest soul. As Ryuji’s laughter died down, his cheeks flushed with color, and he looked at Akira with a quiet desire in his eyes. “C-can I…kiss you?”

Akira nodded, and Ryuji slowly leaned in, softly pressing his lips into Akira’s. They were soft and tasted lightly of oranges. Akira leaned in further, holding Ryuji gently in his arms as he kissed him.

The sound of the bell on the door shook them into reality and forced them away from each other. Sojiro stood in the doorway wearing a shocked expression. “Uhh,” he said. “I just came to, uh…I left my…” Sojiro trailed off. “Do you…want me to leave you two alone?”

Akira and Ryuji’s faces were both red as a ripe tomato. “Uh, no, it’s okay,” Akira said.

“G-g’mornin’, boss,” Ryuji stuttered.

After the initial shock dissipated, Sojiro’s expression changed from confused to a knowing smile. He grabbed his wallet from next to the register, keeping his eyes on Akira the entire time, who blushed profusely and tried to avoid looking at Sojiro directly. “Let me know when it’s safe to come back, okay?”

“S-sure,” Akira said, hiding his face from Sojiro’s view as much as possible.

As soon as Sojiro left, Akira and Ryuji looked at each other and both burst into a hearty laugh.

\---

After breaking the news to Morgana, who didn’t seem surprised by it at all, Akira and Ryuji spent the rest of the morning just enjoying each other’s company. And kissing, there was a lot of kissing. After lunch, Ryuji decided to head home and change clothes, since he’d been wearing the same shirt for 2 days straight. Akira offered to go with him in case his dad was there, but Ryuji insisted he’d be fine. “Now that I’ve stood up to him, I’m not gonna let him control me anymore,” he said.

They agreed to meet back up around 2 so they could hang out before meeting up with the others. Akira suggested breaking the news to the guys by holding hands as everybody arrived. Ryuji was reluctant at first, but eventually agreed.

As 2:00 rolled around, Ryuji showed up at Leblanc, looking freshly showered and dressed in clean clothes. He was wearing his signature “No Mo’ Rules” shirt, and a pair of basketball shorts. “Hey,” he said when Akira opened the door.

“Hey.”

“So how long til everyone gets here again?” Ryuji asked, plopping himself down in a booth and spreading his arms along the back of the seat.

“We made plans for 3. Don’t tell me you would have forgot if we hadn’t just made plans to meet up earlier.”

“No, no of course not.” Ryuji lied.

Akira sat down next to him and Ryuji put his already-extended arm around his shoulder. Morgana jumped up into Akira’s lap, and Akira scratched his little head. They sat like that, talking and joking as if nothing had changed between them. Akira was kind of glad about that. He liked the relationship he’d built up with Ryuji, and he didn’t want to lose that just because they’d started dating, if you could even call it that. Right now it seemed more like they were just friends who kissed occasionally.

But that was a conversation for another day. Today was a day to hang out with his friends, his last opportunity to do so before he had to go back home for class tomorrow. And it was almost time for his friends to come. Akira was kind of nervous to tell his friends about him and Ryuji. Not that he was afraid they would judge them or anything. No, his friends weren’t like that. He just felt nervous for some reason even he couldn’t place.

His fears were quickly extinguished, however, when his friends started to arrive. Makoto was the first to show up, and seemed a bit taken aback by Akira and Ryuji’s physical closeness. She politely said hello and sat down across the booth from them. They carried on conversation as normal without mentioning it.

Ann and Yusuke arrived together, apparently having run into each other on the subway. Ann seemed surprised to see Akira and Ryuji being so physically intimate as well, but more in excitement than Makoto’s confusion. Yusuke paid them no mind, likely not having even noticed.

Haru and Futaba also arrived at the same time, as Haru had stopped by the Sakura residence to see Futaba and make sure she had somebody to walk over with. Futaba insisted that she could do it by herself. She’d done it plenty of times before, but Haru assured her she just wanted to see her to the café safely. Haru smiled at Akira and Ryuji when she entered, but paid no mind to their personal business. Futaba, however, stood in the doorway, mouth agape, much like her adoptive father had earlier that day, before mouthing the words “no way” to herself and taking her seat at the bar, spinning the chair around to face the group.

They talked about many of the same things they talked about the other day when they got together: school, work, college, future plans. There was a very hopeful air to the conversation.

“Man,” Ryuji groaned. “You guys are all moving on with your lives and achievin’ shit, and I’m just barely scraping by…I might not even graduate from Shujin this year.”

“I dunno, Ryuji,” said Ann. “Seems like you’re moving on with your life in your own way.” She winked, and Ryuji looked over at Akira and blushed.

“Yeah, I was actually gonna ask about that,” Makoto said. “Are you guys…I mean…is Akira-kun your—”

“Are you guys gay together?” Futaba threw herself off her chair and slammed her hands on the table.

“Futaba!” Ann squealed, pushing a cackling Futaba off the table.

Ryuji looked at Akira and smiled. “I, uh…I guess you could call it that.” As if to confirmed all of their suspicions, Akira leaned in and gave Ryuji a kiss on the cheek. Ann and Haru squealed, Makoto gasped, and Yusuke simply smiled and gave them a thumbs-up.

With that tension eased, the rest of the afternoon went as you would expect. They laughed, they joked, they poked fun at each other. They acted as any normal friend group would, as if just a few months ago, they weren’t Phantom Thieves wielding a mysterious power to save the world and reform society.

Sooner than any of them wanted, it was time for Akira to head back home. His friends walked him to the train station and said their good-byes. Just before he was about to step onto the train, Ryuji grabbed his arm and pulled him into a kiss. The group cheered as bystanders watched on with a multitude of reactions: awe, contempt, disinterest, hopeful smiles.

As Ryuji broke the kiss, Akira rested his forehead on Ryuji’s. “You’re gonna make me miss my train,” he said.

“Good,” Ryuji responded. “Stay with me forever.”

Akira gave him one last kiss, waved good-bye to his friends, and stepped on the train just as the doors were closing. As the subway doors closed and the train started to pull away, Akira waved again to his friends. He knew it wouldn’t be long, but never soon enough, before he would see them again.

Not even a minute into the train ride, Akira’s phone buzzed. The Phantom Thieves group chat again.

 

 **Ann:** I’m nominating you two for cutest couple in the yearbook this year.

 **Ryuji:** Don’t you dare!

 **Yusuke:** They’ve got my vote.

 **Ryuji:** You don’t even go to our school!

 **Makoto:** I’m sure Mishima-kun would vote for you. ;)

 **Ann:** No way! He’d be too jealous. We all know he’s sweet on you, Akira.

 **Akira:** Wait, really?

 **Ryuji:** Oh my god, dude, you couldn’t tell? He wanted you bad.

 **Futaba:** Can I vote? I’m only a second year but I go there, now!

 **Ryuji:** No!!! None of you can vote! I will literally die of embarrassment!

 

Akira smiled. They may be apart, but nothing could break the bond this group of friends had. He slid his phone back into his pocket, only to feel it vibrating against his leg once more. Again? He and his friends were close but man, they sure could talk. 

Pulling his phone back out and turning on the display, he saw not a message from the Phantom Thieves group chat, but a solo message from Ryuji. “I miss you already,” it read. Biting back a smile, Akira swiped to unlock his phone and typed his reply.

“Miss you too.”

Ryuji responded only with a heart emoji, and Akira couldn’t help but grin like a moron. However soon it would be before he could see this dork again, it wouldn’t be soon enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit notes: Fixed spacing an edited a few minor wordings. (10/17/2017)


End file.
